


Frankenbots

by tomorrowsthe16th



Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Body Horror, Frankenstein (freeform), Gen, Horror Comedy, Mild Gore, Resurrection, Robots Playing God
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-14 02:16:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9153097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomorrowsthe16th/pseuds/tomorrowsthe16th
Summary: Actually, Frankenbots were the two robots who brought Mike Nelson back from the dead, not the undead Mike Nelson himself.Silly AU where Mike is killed after the events of Mitchell, as planned by the mads, and Joel and the bots find him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Okay! so this was part of the MST3K Secret Santa! It's my gift to Rake! It's really dark, but it's also really silly! Basically I decided I wanted to try my hand at horror-comedy, and came up with this thing, vaguely inspired by Frankenstein.

Poisonings were a simple but effective way to murder someone, and while Dr. Forrester preferred something a little more flamboyant, this would certainly do. You just had to offer the fellow a beer, and like the schmuck he was, he’d accept, drink it, not knowing it was poisoned, and drop dead.

And that’s just what this temp worker, or rather, former temp worker of his did, though not before splashing some of the beer on Dr. Forrester as he fell over.

Dr. Forrester started to fume. He swore he’d kill that punk for that. Unfortunately, however, he was already dead, and what they needed to do now was get rid of the body. Using a giant canon, they planned to send him into earth’s orbit, where if he didn’t implode in the vacuum of space, he’d eventually get mistaken for Russian astronaut Styopa Samakatov.

“All right, Frank. Fire when ready!”

* * *

Meanwhile, Joel and the bots were discussing how Joe Don Baker was married when suddenly they heard a THUMP.

“What was that?” Servo asked.

“It sounded like it came from outside,” G replied.

“Hey Cambot, give me Rocket Number 9 real quick.” Joel requested.

Cambot displayed the exterior of the satellite where a young man was floating besides the satellite.

Joel squinted for a moment, “Is that… Holy cow! Guys we gotta get that guy in here!”

“Why?” Servo asked. “He’s probably dead anyway.”

“Well what if he’s not?” Joel asked back, running towards one of the airlocks. “He might still be alive and in trouble.”

* * *

“He’s not moving Joel.” Crow said, prodding the corpse Joel just rescued.

Joel poked the dead body a few times, checked for breathing or a pulse or anything that would prove this human, the first that Joel had seen face to face in years, was still alive, but found nothing. It was quiet for a while.

“Hey, wasn’t that the pasty temp guy down in Deep 13?” G pointed out.

Joel took a look at the guy’s face. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Another pause. Servo and Crow looked at each other, and knew they were thinking the same thing.

“Say, Joel,” Servo started. “If you’re not going to use this body, you think Crow and I could play God?”

“Tom, we have to be respect the dead.”

“Sure Joel.” Crow said, his voice dripping we sarcasm. “I know a great way we can respect this dead body. Why don’t we  _bury it_?”

“Well, I mean, you know, uh,” Joel faltered.

Crow rolled his eyes and took the dead body with Servo right behind him while Joel made a mental note to program some sort of moral code into the bots.

* * *

“How come you get to be Frankenstein, Crow?” Servo asked, all dressed up in his evil assistant garb.

“Come on Servo! Are you saying you aren’t a shoo-in for the role of Frankenstein’s oddly attractive assistant?”

“Will you let me be Frankenstein if I don’t mock your questionable taste?”

“Hmm…. No!”

“Dammit, I thought that would work!”

The bots took off the top of the dead body’s jumpsuit along with his undershirt. All the while, Servo mocked Crow for his questionable taste in actors. Soon, they were ready to operate.

“Scalpel.”

Servo handed Crow the scalpel and he got to work opening up the chest cavity.

“Saw.”

Servo handed Crow the saw and Crow cut through the ribcage until he was able to see the heart.

“Yep,” Crow nodded. “His heart sure isn’t beating.”

Crow continued nodding, unsure of where to go from here, waiting for Servo to notice.

“I think we’re just supposed to zap him with lightning.”

“Oh gee Servo, you couldn’t have told me that BEFORE I opened up the guy’s chest?”

“Well, just sew him back together!”

“I can’t sew! You do it!”

“You know my arms don’t work, Crow!”

“Well I guess we’re just gonna have some open-chested FREAK walking around the satellite.”

“HE’S _DEAD_! HE’S ALREADY GOING TO BE A FREAK!”

“You’re just mad because I get to be Percy Frankenstein!”

“It’s _Victor_ Frankenstein, and I was _born_ to play that part and you _know it_ , Crow!”

“Well now neither of us can be Whatever Frankenstein! You know why? BECAUSE THERE’S NO LIGHTNING IN SPACE!”

And with that, the two had at each other, tumbling across the satellite, each trying to kill the other, until eventually, they ended up in the satellite’s control room.

“Wait, Crow.” Servo tried to get Crow to see where they were, but Crow wasn’t listening. “CROW!”

Crow stopped too, realizing where they were.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Servo asked.

“I’ll get the body!” Crow said, dashing off.

Soon, Crow was hooking up the dead body to some dangerous high voltage power source while Servo watched. Not necessarily to see if Crow could bring a dead body back to life, but to watch Crow do something stupid and seriously hurt himself.

And like that, Crow did something stupid and seriously hurt himself. In this case, holding onto a piece of exposed wire he’d placed on the dead body as the shock went through not only the corpse’s body, but his as well. The power surged, and all the non-emergency lights in the ship went out as Crow let out a blood curdling scream before collapsing onto the floor.

Servo laughed, until he realized Crow might have actually been seriously hurt. He started to head off to find Joel, until he heard groaning. He turned to notice his (and Crow’s, he _supposed_ ) creation starting to stir. Servo looked to Crow, who was still unconscious on the floor and figured they needed a new Frankenstein.

“It’s alive! IT’S ALIVE!” Servo quoted with glee and began to laugh maniacally.

Servo’s pride at finally getting to be Frankenstein was unfortunately cut short when the creature, almost a silhouette in the dim room, stood up, walking towards him. Servo finally realized how big the creature was. Way bigger than him. Probably even bigger than Joel. For a moment, all he could do was stare up at the creature walking towards him. It wasn’t long before the urge to flee kicked in and Servo ran off, screaming “MONSTER!”

* * *

_Ugh… My head…_ Mike thought, groaning. The last thing he remembered was Frank handing him a beer, and now his mouth tasted like metal and he was-

Wait. Where was he exactly? It seemed like he was on the floor some sort of control room, and some kind of robot was passed out next to him.

Suddenly, he heard someone yelling and winced. Turning his head, he noticed another robot laughing. Though he could barely make him out, he seemed familiar. Oh right! He’d seen that cute little robot before! He watched Joe Don Baker movies. Maybe he’d be able to help him figure out where he was.

Mike stood up, walking towards the red little robot, who stopped laughing and looked up at Mike for a second before dashing away screaming.

Mike grabbed ahold of his head. He couldn’t stand the noise. Was he hungover or something? He only remembered having one sip of beer. And now that he thought of it, his chest hurt a little too. Mike put a hand over his chest and noticed it felt… wet? Mike squinted at his bloody hand, then looked down at his chest and jumped back, screaming. What had happened to him?!  Was his chest really open like that?! Was his temp job some sort of front for robot organ harvesting or something? And another thing: How was he not dead? His chest was open, and he was fairly sure his heart wasn’t beating, or if it was, it was faint. Though Mike, being the optimist that he was, was thankful the room was dim. He probably couldn’t have handled the blood and gore if the room was fully lit.

“Hello? Is someone there?” He heard from outside. “I heard a scream.”

Mike wondered if he should hide from whoever it was out there, but she sounded pretty caring, so maybe she would be able to help him. But on the other hand, she might also scream and run away once they saw his exposed heart. Mike put on his shirt and jumpsuit in an attempt to hide his opened chest cavity and hoped for the best.

He recognized the purple robot from the video feed and tried to be friendly, though it almost sounded like he grunted as he spoke. “Hey, it’s me, Mike. From Deep 13 earlier? Remember me?”

But the purple robot just looked at him. Mike tried to smile, showing he meant no harm, but to no avail. The purple robot just screamed “MONSTER” as she ran down the hallway.

Well, he probably wasn’t in a robot organ harvesting ring. At least there was that. Unfortunately, he still had no idea what was going on. Either way, the first thing he’d have to do is find some kinda first aid kit to bandage himself up. He didn’t especially like all that stuff that was supposed to be safely inside him being all out in the open like it was.

He walked down the hallway in search for a bathroom or kitchen or some other place bandages would be kept when he ran into another robot. This one he didn’t recognize, but they were small, blue, and floating.

The blue robot stopped and stared at Mike, just like the other two robots did. Mike tried to smile and be friendly, but clearly the blue robot was just as scared as the other two, and they ran off without a word.

“Come on,” Mike grunted. “The blood’s not _that_ noticeable. Is it?”

Mike looked down. A little of the blood had seeped through, but there wasn’t too much damage. Why were they all afraid then?

* * *

Joel was in the kitchen, making a sandwich when Tom Servo ran in screaming.

“Tom, what’s the matter with you?” Joel asked.

“There’s a hideous undead monster on the Satellite of Love!” Servo yelled. “Also Crow’s dead.”

“What?!” Joel shouted. “Crow’s dead?!”

“Yes, yes, may his eternal golden soul rest in peace, but there’s also a _monster_ on the satellite, Joel! We can’t worry about the fallen when any one of us could be next!”

“Tom, where’s-“

“JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEL,” G dashed into the room.

“G, what’s the matter?” Joel asked.

“There’s a monster on the satellite and it killed Crow!”

“Where is Crow?!” Joel asked, almost hysterical.

“Last I checked he was in the control room! But the monster could have taken him someplace after I left!”

“Listen,” Joel said. “I’m going to find Crow. Whatever damage done to him can probably be fixed. _I hope._ ”

“By _yourself_?” Servo asked. “Are you nuts? There’s a monster out there.”

“Yeah! It killed Crow!”

“Well it’s not like I’ll be unarmed,” Joel said, holding up the sandwich. “I have a club.”

“Joel this is _no time_ for your terrible sandwich jokes!” Servo yelled. “If you’re so insistent on finding Crow, then I’m coming with. I’m not gonna let you go out there alone when there’s a monster on the prowl who could potentially pick us off one by one!”

“Servo’s right. I’m coming too,” G said.

“We should probably get some weapons,” Servo said. “Joel, come over here and tape a knife to each of my hands.”

As Joel and the bots armed themselves, they heard a loud thud outside the kitchen door, prompting Servo and G to scream, and the startled blue robot at the door to fly back in surprise.

“Guys, guys, calm down,” Joel said. “It’s just Cambot. What’s wrong honey?”

“They probably saw the monster too,” G said.

Cambot nodded.

“Well Cambot, we’re all gonna go and find Crow,” Joel said. “Do you want something to defend yourself from the monster?”

Cambot nodded again and Joel taped a pizza roller to the top of their head.

“Alright guys. Let’s head to the control room.”

Not that surprisingly to Joel, the trip to the control room was completely safe. Though Joel may have seen the silhouette of a man walking down the hallway, Joel’s eyes may have playing tricks. Loneliness can do that to a person, ya know.

Joel turned to G once they entered the control room. “Hey, do you think you can get the lights back on?”

“No problem,” G said, fixing the lights.

As the lights turned back on, Joel noticed the room was bloody. Not especially bloody, but it was noticeable. Joel also saw Crow lying on the floor, next to some wires. It was pretty easy to see what had happened here. Crow and Servo were playing God and Crow short circuited reviving the dead temp.

Though Joel didn’t actually think they’d revive him.

“Alright guys,” Joel said. “I’m gonna go fix Crow. G, I want you to make sure the satellite’s up and running, and Tom, I want you to clean up this mess.”

“Joel. There are knives taped to both my ha-”

“UP-“ Joel interrupted. “I don’t wanna hear it. Cambot, you can either come with me, or stay with them.”

And so the gang split up. Joel headed to the workshop to fix Crow, Cambot floating nearby, and Servo and G stayed in the control room.

* * *

Mike grunted, covering his eyes as the power came back. It was way too damn bright, but at least he could see where he was going a little better now. He found a bathroom and rushed inside, closing the door behind him.

Mike caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Was he normally that pale? Was his face usually that puffy? No wonder everyone thought he was a monster; he looked like a bloated zombie.

The sight of blood seeping through his clothes reminded him of his mission as he rummaged through cabinets, trying to find a first aid kit and idly wondering how he wasn’t dead yet. Unfortunately, the best he could find was a box of small band aids. In an attempt to assess the situation, Mike removed the top part of his jumpsuit and his shirt and almost fainted once he saw the the bloody insides of his chest. He covered his face and looked through his fingers when he noticed something. Now Mike wasn’t an anatomy major or anything, but he was pretty sure hearts were supposed to beat, even if they were visible, so long as the person was alive.

What happened to him?

* * *

“Crow? You there, buddy?”

Crow’s vision was a bit blurry at first, but he soon found himself in Joel’s workshop, with Joel and Cambot looking over him.

Crow wanted to ask “What happened?” and “Where’s the body?” but what came out was a slurred “What’s the body?”

Thankfully, Joel understood what Crow was asking. “Apparently, he’s been running around the Satellite of Love scaring everyone. Now Crow, do you see what happens when you and Servo play G-“

“What?!” Crow interrupted. “He should be taking orders from me! I gave him life! He owes me!”

Crow stormed out of the workshop muttering something about an “ungrateful punk” before Joel could say another word.

Crow searched the satellite high and low looking for his undead minion, eventually finding him curled up in a bathroom.

“What are you doing?” Crow asked, startling the monster. “You’re supposed to be taking orders from _me_.”

“What?” The creature asked-slash-grunted.

“I gave you life,” Crow explained, “so now you have to do my bidding. That’s how it works.”

“Wait. Was I…” The creature seemed like he didn’t want to say it. “Dead?”

“Yeah, you bumped into our satellite and we were pretty sure you were dead, but Joel just _insisted_ on saving you, but you were dead so we decided to play God.”

“So I guess I’m… Undead now then?”

“Were you even listening at all?”

The creature was quiet. He put a trembling hand over his chest, as if he had to accept this as his fate. His other hand was clutching onto a box of band aids. He was trembling all over now.

 _For a big undead monster, he’s kind of a baby,_ Crow thought.

“So I guess… I’m some kind of evil freak of nature now, huh?” The creature asked.

“Yeah, I guess you are,” Crow nodded. “Do you miss being dead or something?”

“I… Didn’t even realize I was dead,” the creature answered. “I think that’s what shakes me the most. That, and this.” The creature gestured to his chest.

“Sorry. That was Servo’s fault. He never told me the protocol for reviving dead bodies. I think Joel could fix that up for you.”

“That’d be nice, thanks.”

“Hey, you want some hot chocolate?”

“Actually yeah. Anything that doesn’t make my mouth taste like metal would be nice.”

And the two enjoyed some hot chocolate, that is, until Joel made Crow clean up all the blood with Servo and made the bots promise to stop playing God.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway I hope you enjoyed that. Lmfao I guess it's like some kinda reversal of Welcome Back Joel Robinson, which I SHOULD work on again. I've just been. Doing other shit I guess. Oh well.


End file.
